英文演讲别让任何人打乱你的节奏（过错不能定义你的人生）

夏卡.桑格尔在 1991 年时枪杀了一名男子。他说自己曾是「带着半自动手枪的急性子毒贩」。他被判两级谋杀罪而入狱服刑，故事通常在此画下句点。但相反的，故事仍未结束，这是多年赎罪旅程的开端，也是一个带给我们谦恭与朴实课题的故事。

Twenty-three years ago, at the age of 19, I shotand killed a man. I was a young drug dealer with a quick temper and asemi-automatic pistol.

23 年前， 在我 19 岁的时候， 我开枪杀了一个人。 当时我是新手毒贩， 个性很急， 身上还带把半自动手枪。

0:29

But that wasn't the end of my story. In fact, itwas beginning, and the 23 years since is a story of acknowledgment, apology andatonement. But it didn't happen in the way that you might imagine or think.These things occurred in my life in a way that was surprising, especially tome.

但那不是我的故事结局。 其实那是故事开端， 之后的 23 年 是一段认错、 忏悔与赎罪的故事。 但那不是你想像中的样子。这些发生在我生命中的事情让人意外， 尤其让我吃惊。

0:55

See, like many of you, growing up, I was an honorroll student, a scholarship student, with dreams of becoming a doctor. Butthings went dramatically wrong when my parents separated and eventuallydivorced.

就像在座许多人一样， 成长期间，我的学业成绩很好， 拿到奖学金， 梦想要当医生。 但是事情有了戏剧性的变化，因为我的父母分开、 最后以离婚收场。

1:13

The actual events are pretty straightforward. Atthe age of 17, I got shot three times standing on the corner of my block inDetroit. My friend rushed me to the hospital. Doctors pulled the bullets out,patched me up, and sent me back to the same neighborhood where I got shot.Throughout this ordeal, no one hugged me, no one counseled me, no one told me Iwould be okay. No one told me that I would live in fear, that I would becomeparanoid, or that I would react hyper-violently to being shot. No one told methat one day, I would become the person behind the trigger. Fourteen monthslater, at 2 a.m., I fired the shots that caused a man's death.

这些事件来得势不可当。 17 岁的时候， 我中枪三次， 那时我站在底特律家附近的街角。 朋友火速送我到医院。医生取出子弹， 为我包扎， 之后再送我回到发生枪击的街区。 经过这场可怕的经历， 没人拥抱我， 没人安慰我， 没人告诉我，一切都会好转。 没人告诉我，我会活在恐惧中，我会变得偏执， 或是我对被射伤的反应会非常激烈。 没人告诉我， 有一天我会成为站在扳机后的那个人。 14 个月后， 凌晨两点， 我开了枪， 杀死了一个人。

2:15

When I entered prison, I was bitter, I was angry,I was hurt. I didn't want to take responsibility. I blamed everybody from myparents to the system. I rationalized my decision to shoot because in the hoodwhere I come from, it's better to be the shooter than the person getting shot.As I sat in my cold cell, I felt helpless, unloved and abandoned. I felt likenobody cared, and I reacted with hostility to my confinement. And I foundmyself getting deeper and deeper into trouble. I ran black market stores, Iloan sharked, and I sold drugs that were illegally smuggled into the prison. Ihad in fact become what the warden of the Michigan Reformatory called "theworst of the worst." And because of my activity, I landed in solitaryconfinement for seven and a half years out of my incarceration.

入狱的时候， 我很怨恨，我很生气，我很痛苦， 我不想负责。 我怪罪每个人， 从怪罪父母，一路怪到制度。我合理化自己开枪的决定， 因为在我住的街区， 选择当个开枪的人 好过当个中枪的人。 我坐在寒冷的牢房里， 感到无助，失去关爱，被人遗弃。 我觉得没人在乎我， 锒铛入狱让我满腹怨恨。我发现自己在麻烦里越陷越深。 我常跑黑店、 放高利贷、 走私毒品到监狱卖。 其实我变成了 密西根感化院典狱长称的： 「万恶之极。」 因为那些行动， 我被单独监禁长达七年半之久。

3:28

Now as I see it, solitary confinement is one ofthe most inhumane and barbaric places you can find yourself, but find myself Idid. One day, I was pacing my cell, when an officer came and delivered mail. Ilooked at a couple of letters before I looked at the letter that had my son'ssquiggly handwriting on it. And anytime I would get a letter from my son, itwas like a ray of light in the darkest place you can imagine. And on thisparticular day, I opened this letter, and in capital letters, he wrote,"My mama told me why you was in prison: murder." He said, "Dad,don't kill. Jesus watches what you do. Pray to Him."

现在回过头看， 我认为单独监禁是你能找到 最不人道和野蛮的场所， 但却是我找到自己的地方。 某天，我在牢房里踱步，警官送信过来。 看了几封信之后， 我开始读儿子亲手写的那封 歪七扭八字迹的信。 每次，我都会收到他的信， 那就像是黑暗深处里的一线曙光。 在这特別的日子，我打开信，他用大写的字体写下： 「妈妈说你被关在监狱， 因为你是杀人凶手。」 他说：「爸爸，不要杀人。 耶稣在看你做了什么事， 你要向衪祷告。」

4:18

Now, I wasn't religious at that time, nor am Ireligious now, but it was something so profound about my son's words. They mademe examine things about my life that I hadn't considered. It was the first timein my life that I had actually thought about the fact that my son would see meas a murderer. I sat back on my bunk and I reflected on something I had read in[Plato], where Socrates stated in "Apology" that the unexamined lifeisn't worth living.

那时候我不信神， 现在也不信， 但我儿子的话对我来说意义深远。 那些话让我检视自己在生命中 从未思考过的事。这是我此生第一次真的意识到 我儿子会把我看做杀人凶手的事实。 我坐在床上， 回想起之前读到柏拉图的著作， 在＜申辩篇＞中，苏格拉底曾说 未经反省的人生不值得活。

4:52

At that point is when the transformation began.But it didn't come easy. One of the things I realized, which was part of thetransformation, was that there were four key things. The first thing was, I hadgreat mentors. Now, I know some of you all are probably thinking, how did youfind a great mentor in prison? But in my case, some of my mentors who areserving life sentences were some of the best people to ever come into my life,because they forced me to look at my life honestly, and they forced me tochallenge myself about my decision making.

那个时刻正是改变的开始。 但却得之不易。 我领悟了一件事， 那就是转变有四个关键。 首先，我有很棒的良师益友。我知道你们之中大概有人会想， 你在监狱怎么找到良师益友？ 但以我来说， 有一些良师益友虽然被判无期徒刑， 但他们却是我此生 接触过最好的人之一， 因为他们强迫我诚实面对自己的人生，他们强迫我挑战自己做决定。

5:36

The second thing was literature. Prior to going toprison, I didn't know that there were so many brilliant black poets, authorsand philosophers, and then I had the great fortune of encountering Malcolm X'sautobiography, and it shattered every stereotype I had about myself.

第二，是文学。 在进监狱之前， 我不认识那么多才华洋溢的 黑人诗人、作家和哲学家， 但后来，我很幸运能读到麦尔坎．X 的自传， 那本书粉碎我对自己的每一个刻板印象。

5:59

The third thing was family. For 19 years, myfather stood by my side with an unshakable faith, because he believed that Ihad what it took to turn my life around. I also met an amazing woman who is nowthe mother of my two-year-old son Sekou, and she taught me how to love myselfin a healthy way.

第三是家庭。 19 年来，我父亲无条件支持我， 对我深信不疑， 因为他相信我拥有能改变生命的东西。 我也碰到一位神奇的女士，现在她是我两岁儿子塞谷的妈， 她教我用健康的方式爱自己。

6:25

The final thing was writing. When I got thatletter from my son, I began to write a journal about things I had experiencedin my childhood and in prison, and what it did is it opened up my mind to theidea of atonement. Earlier in my incarceration, I had received a letter fromone of the relatives of my victim, and in that letter, she told me she forgaveme, because she realized I was a young child who had been abused and had beenthrough some hardships and just made a series of poor decisions. It was thefirst time in my life that I ever felt open to forgiving myself.

最后一件事是写作。 收到儿子的信之后， 我开始写日志， 记录我在童年时期，以及坐牢时的经历， 这件事让我敞开心胸，愿意赎罪。 我刚开始被关的时候， 收到一封被害人亲戚的来信， 在那封信中， 她说她原谅我， 因为她知道我只是个孩子， 曾被虐待， 有一些痛苦的经历， 只是做了一连串错误的决定。那是我这辈子第一次 开始接受要原谅自己。

7:12

One of the things that happened after thatexperience is that I thought about the other men who were incarceratedalongside of me, and how much I wanted to share this with them. And so Istarted talking to them about some of their experiences, and I was devastatedto realize that most of them came from the same abusive environments, And mostof them wanted help and they wanted to turn it around, but unfortunately thesystem that currently holds 2.5 million people in prison is designed towarehouse as opposed to rehabilitate or transform. So I made it up in my mindthat if I was ever released from prison that I would do everything in my powerto help change that.

在那之后发生了一件事， 我想到被关在我附近的那些人， 我很想和他们分享这个想法。 因此我们开始谈他们的经验，我非常震惊， 他们大多来自同样会受到暴力的环境， 大部分的人都需要帮助， 也都希望一切能好转， 但不幸的是， 目前关了 250 万人的监狱 是设计来装人， 而不是用来修复或改变人的地方。因此我决定 如果有朝一日离开监狱， 我会尽我最大的能力 来改变这件事。

7:56

In 2010, I walked out of prison for the first timeafter two decades. Now imagine, if you will, Fred Flintstone walking into anepisode of "The Jetsons." That was pretty much what my life was like.For the first time, I was exposed to the Internet, social media, cars that talklike KITT from "Knight Rider." But the thing that fascinated me themost was phone technology. See, when I went to prison, our car phones were thisbig and required two people to carry them. So imagine what it was like when Ifirst grabbed my little Blackberry and I started learning how to text. But thething is, the people around me, they didn't realize that I had no idea what allthese abbreviated texts meant, like LOL, OMG, LMAO, until one day I was havinga conversation with one of my friends via text, and I asked him to dosomething, and he responded back, "K." And I was like, "What isK?" And he was like, "K is okay." So in my head, I was like,"Well what the hell is wrong with K?" And so I text him a questionmark. And he said, "K = okay." And so I tap back, "FU."(Laughter) And then he texts back, and he asks me why was I cussing him out.And I said, "LOL FU," as in, I finally understand. (Laughter)

我在 2010 年时出狱， 这是二十年来的第一次。 请想像 摩登原始人走进「杰森一家」里。 那就和我的生活差不多。那是我第一次接触网路、 社群媒体， 还有像霹雳游侠里的伙计 一样会说话的车。 不过最让我著迷的是电话。 我进监狱时， 车上的电话这么大， 还得要两个人拿着。 想像一下，我第一次拿着我的小黑莓机，开始学怎么传简讯。 但问题是我周遭的亲友都不了解 我怎么会对所有简称毫无头绪， 像是 LOL（大笑）、OMG（我的天）、 LMAO（笑屎人）之类的， 直到有天我和朋友用简讯聊天，我请他帮忙，他回了「K」。 我传：「什么是 K？」 他传：「K 就是 OK。」 我脑袋想的是： 「K 是哪里有毛病？」 所以我传了问号给他。 他说：「K =OK。」 我回传：「FU。（脏话简称）」 （笑声） 然后他回传问我 为什么要骂他。 我说：「LOL FU。」 我终于理解了。 （笑声）

9:24

And so fast forward three years, I'm doingrelatively good. I have a fellowship at MIT Media Lab, I work for an amazingcompany called BMe, I teach at the University of Michigan, but it's been astruggle because I realize that there are more men and women coming home whoare not going to be afforded those opportunities. I've been blessed to workwith some amazing men and women, helping others reenter society, and one ofthem is my friend named Calvin Evans. He served 24 years for a crime he didn'tcommit. He's 45 years old. He's currently enrolled in college. And one of thethings that we talked about is the three things that I found important in mypersonal transformation, the first being acknowledgment. I had to acknowledgethat I had hurt others. I also had to acknowledge that I had been hurt. Thesecond thing was apologizing. I had to apologize to the people I had hurt. Eventhough I had no expectations of them accepting it, it was important to dobecause it was the right thing. But I also had to apologize to myself. Thethird thing was atoning. For me, atoning meant going back into my community andworking with at-risk youth who were on the same path, but also becoming at onewith myself.

时间飞快过了三年， 我适应得还不错。 我拿到麻省理工学院 媒体实验室的研究奖金， 在一间很棒的公司工作，叫BMe， 还在密西根大学任教， 但是我一直在挣扎， 因为我了解 有更多人回到家之后， 不会得到那些机会。 我很幸运能和许多很棒的人一起工作， 帮助其他人重返社会，其中有一位是我的朋友凯文．伊凡斯。 他因为一件从未犯的罪坐了 24 年牢。 他 45 岁，正在唸大学。 我们曾讨论过 我发现在我个人转变中很重要的三件事， 第一件事，是认错。我必须承认我曾伤害別人。 我也必须承认自己受了伤。 第二件事，是道歉。 我得向曾被我伤害的人道歉。 即使我毫不期待他们会接受， 但那却很重要，因为那是对的事。而且我也必须向自己道歉。 第三件事，是赎罪。 对我来说，赎罪意谓著回到我的社区， 服务走上同样道路的高风险青少年， 并且成为和我一样的人。

10:41

Through my experience of being locked up, one ofthe things I discovered is this: the majority of men and women who areincarcerated are redeemable, and the fact is, 90 percent of the men and womenwho are incarcerated will at some point return to the community, and we have arole in determining what kind of men and women return to our community.

有过被关进牢房的经验后，我发现： 大多数的受刑人都还有救， 事实上， 90% 的受刑人之后会回到社区，有个人有权决定 什么样的人可以重返社区。

11:01

My wish today is that we will embrace a moreempathetic approach toward how we deal with mass incarceration, that we will doaway with the lock-them-up-and-throw-away-the-key mentality, because it'sproven it doesn't work.

今天我希望 我们能采取 更有同理心的方式 处理大规模的监禁问题， 摒除把人关起来就置之不理的态度， 因为事实证明那没有用。

11:20

My journey is a unique journey, but it doesn'thave to be that way. Anybody can have a transformation if we create the spacefor that to happen. So what I'm asking today is that you envision a world wheremen and women aren't held hostage to their pasts, where misdeeds and mistakesdon't define you for the rest of your life. I think collectively, we can createthat reality, and I hope you do too. Thank you. (Applause)

我拥有一段独特旅程， 但那不代表非得如此不可。 任何人都能改变， 只要我们允许发生的可能。 因此，今天我请各位想像一个人人不会被过去绑住的世界， 一个罪行和错误 不会定义你未来人生的世界。 我想我们能一同实现， 希望你也有同感。谢谢。（掌声）

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