摩登家庭第一集英文版（摩登家庭第1季第5集中英文剧本台词字幕-看美剧学英语）

走吧 伙计 该上学了

Let's go, buddy. Schooltime.

歌洛莉亚 如果你待会和你闺蜜有约

Oh, and Gloria, if you want to get together with the girls later,

我可以自己看看橄榄球赛什么的

I could just, you know, watch the football game or something.

其实他就是想看橄榄球赛

That means he wants to watch a football game.

我不是和你说话

I'm not talking to you.

你为什么要喝咖啡

What are you drinking coffee for anyway?

这是我的文化习俗 我是哥伦比亚人

It's my culture. I'm Colombian.

是吗 这些法式吐司

Oh, yeah? What part of Colombia

也是哥伦比亚的吗

are those French toaster sticks from?

亲爱的 我不太确定你今天能看比赛

Babe, I'm not sure about the game.

因为全家人都要过来烧烤

The whole family's coming over for the barbecue.

- 是今天吗 -没错

- That's today? - See.

今天可是俄亥俄州赛

It's the Ohio State game.

那又怎样 每个人都能看

So? Everybody can watch.

我不喜欢和不懂球的人一起看比赛

I don't like watching the game with people who don't know the game.

七嘴八舌乱指点

People talk.

你也会乱指点我的橄榄球比赛

You talk at my football games.

首先 你那个是足球

For one thing, it's called soccer.

而且你们队整个赛季只得了两分

Your team scored two goals all season.

我随便说也不会冒风险

I'm not taking a big risk.

你到底喝了多少啊

How much of this did you drink?

饶了我吧 我今天得去攀绳呢

Give me a break. I have to climb a rope today.

- 妈妈 -怎么了

- Hey, Mom. - Yeah?

能给我40块钱吃午饭吗

Can I have $40 for lunch?

40块

Forty dollars?

- 学校还让我们买本书 -什么书

- I also need a book for school. - What book?

我想买条裙子

I want a dress.

你知道你撒谎撒得多失败吗

Do you have any idea what a bad liar you are?

我更担心的是

I'd be more worried that

她连一本书的名字都想不出来

she couldn't come up with a single book title.

卢克 快点 我们要迟到了

Luke, come on. We're late.

这是第一次里外前后全都穿反了

Mmm, there's a first- inside out and backwards.

至少他没把衣服塞进...

At least it isn't zipped into his...

好吧 真塞进去了

Oh. There it is.

有人是"读书大智慧" 也有人是"市井小聪明"

Well, there's book smart, and then there's street smart.

没错 卢克属于第三类怪胎

Yeah, and then there's Luke.

他只是 他只是好奇心重 仅此而已

Oh, he's just... He's just curious. That's all.

他有着科学家的头脑

He's got this almost scientific mind...

以及对知识的渴望

with a thirst for knowledge.

他像小爱因斯坦一样

He's like this little Einstein.

有些人会问"为什么"

Some people ask, "Why?"

但卢克会问"为什么不呢"

Luke asks, "Why not?"

我经常问"为什么"

I ask "Why?" a lot.

我们在十码区 现在是五码区

We're at the ten. We're at the five.

到达一码 爸爸 我们触地得分啦

We're at the one. Daddy, we're scoring a touchdown!

别 小心别弄伤孩子了

No, please... please don't spike our baby.

为什么她穿得像汉堡神偷公仔

Why is she dressed like the Hamburglar?

她是裁判

She's a referee.

我们今晚一定要去我爸那里吗

Do... Do we even have to go to my dad's tonight?

你在开玩笑吗 今晚是俄亥俄州赛

Are you kidding me? We're playing Ohio State.

我收集古董钢笔

I collect antique fountain pens.

我很擅长日式插花技术

I'm quite adept at Japanese flower arrangement-

"花道"

ikebana-

而且我曾是伊利诺伊大学的首发进攻内锋

and I was a starting offensive lineman at the University of Illinois.

惊讶吧

Surprise.

- 我不喜欢橄榄球 -你知道吗

- I don't like football. - You know what?

我认为维持恋情的一方面

I thought part of being in a relationship...

就是要爱屋及乌

was pretending to enjoy your partner's interests.

你以为我真的喜欢做腌菜吗

Do you think I really loved home pickle-making?

是的 因为你确实喜欢

Yeah, 'cause you did.

就喜欢一周

For a week,

到后来别人都以为我们是到处送腌菜的怪胎

until we became the weird guys who gave everybody pickles.

马文 谢谢邀请我们到你温馨的家来

Oh, thank you, Marvin, for inviting us into your lovely home.

给你 请收下这包腌菜

Here. Would you care for a sack of pickles?

你真可爱

It was charming.

我们是腌菜工 米奇尔

We were picklers, Mitchell.

好吧 那就算了

Okay, you know what? Fine.

和你的小剪刀待在家里吧

Stay home with your little jagged scissors.

你可以继续弄你的剪贴簿

Maybe catch up on your scrapbooking.

拜托 你也喜欢剪贴簿啊

Come... You loved scrapbooking.

我有吗 米奇尔 我有吗

Did I, Mitchell? Did I?

够了 别以为搞个双重反问就是真的了

Stop. Don't do the "Double question to prove a point" thing.

我讨厌别人那么做

I hate it when people do that.

是吗 米奇尔 是吗

Do you, Mitchell? Do you?

别闹了 莉莉

Stop, Lily.

摩登家庭

第一季第五集

没问题 我们马上过来 谢谢

No problem. We'll be right down. Thanks.

亲爱的 怎么了

Hey, honey. What's up?

学校刚刚来电话了 卢克打架了

The school just called. Luke got in a fight.

天呐 他还好吗

Oh, geez. Is he okay?

他没事 但老师想要我们去一趟

Yeah, he's fine, but they want us to come down there.

- 你在哪里 -我在带人看房子

- Where are you? - I'm showing a house.

什么房子

What house?

我在打高尔夫球

I'm golfing.

我猜是那个叫德卡斯的小孩

I bet it was that Durkas kid.

我讨厌那个小孩

I hate that kid.

也许是他突然挑衅卢克

He probably jumped on Luke

而卢克只是反抗而已

and Luke just fought back.

- 那小孩真讨厌 -他曾经取笑我的头发

- Kid's a menace. - He made fun of my hair once.

嘘 他的家长可能在里面

Shh. The parents are probably in there.

我只是睡觉把头发睡乱了

I slept on it funny.

就好像他没有过一样

Like that never happened to him?

走吧

Come on.

你们在这里干嘛

What are you doing here?

这两个笨蛋在一起打架

These two knuckleheads were fighting each other.

- 什么 -幸好是你啊

- What? - Could've been worse.

我还没准备好今天面对德卡斯

I was not ready to face Durkas today.

发生什么事了

So what happened?

很明显 在操场上发生了骂人

Well, apparently there was some name-calling

和斗殴的事情

and shoving on the playground.

老师把他们分开的时候

By the time a teacher separated them,

卢克正坐在曼尼的胸上

Luke was sitting on Manny's chest.

- 卢克 那可不像你啊 -等等

- Luke, that's not like you. - Wait a minute.

- 你是卢克的爸爸吗 -外公

- You're Luke's father? - Grandfather.

- 那么曼尼的爸爸是 -哈维尔

- So Manny's father is... - Javier.

一个疯子 就是从他身上遗传到的暴脾气

Crazy guy. That's where he gets his fire.

- 好吧 你是 -他是我们的儿子

- Okay, you're... - He's our son.

- 我的外孙 -我是他女儿

- And my grandson. - I'm his daughter.

- 那么你是 -他小舅舅

- So you're... - His uncle.

你要再敢这么说 我还会坐到你的胸上

Stop saying that or I'll sit on your chest again.

等一下 打架就是因为这个吗

Ho! Wait a second. Is that what this was all about?

他一直说我是他的外甥

He keeps calling me his nephew.

你就是我的外甥

You are my nephew.

- 闭嘴 -好了 好了

- Shut up! - Okay, okay.

我明白了 你们似乎是一家人

I'm getting the sense that you're all related, uh, somehow.

所以 也许你们最好能回家自己解决

So it's probably best if you work this out at home...

这样孩子们就能回去上课了 好吗

so the boys can go back to class, okay?

但是我们很生气你们这样 小伙子们

But we're not happy about this, boys.

这不是成熟的年轻小伙的行为

This is not how mature young men behave.

把这便条给"帕斯沃"老师

Here's your note for Miss Passwater.

我并不担心 他们都是好孩子

Look, I wouldn't worry. They're good kids.

只是当某个孩子比较怪异时 会有点难处理

It's just tough when one kid's a little different.

- 是的 -是的

- Yes. - Yes.

你听到她那么说了 对吗

You heard how she said that, right?

"是的"

"Yes."

她觉得卢克是怪异的那个 卢克

She thought Luke was the weird one. Luke.

她家孩子把自己的头卡在家具里

Her kid gets his head stuck in the furniture,

还好意思说曼尼怪异

and Manny is the different one.

我来告诉你什么怪异

I will tell you what's weird.

我们的孩子并不怪异

Our son is not weird.

怪异的是她的孩子抹须后水

What's weird is that her kid wears aftershave

而且打扮得像个伯爵

and dresses like a count.

我想我们别请他们过来烧烤了

I think we should cancel with them for the barbecue.

如果我们不去 只会把问题越闹越大

If we cancel, it'll just make this a bigger deal than it is.

让卢克和曼尼多相处一下对他们两个都好

It'll be good for Luke and Manny to spend some time.

- 也许对你和歌洛莉亚也好 -为什么

- Might be good for you and Gloria too. - Why?

她一直对我有意见

She's always had a problem with me.

我觉得我该找出是什么问题

I think I'm gonna find out what it is.

那是你最不该做的

That's the worst thing you could do.

就当没发生过 忍忍就过去了

Just sweep it under the rug.

- 我可不是个"忍者" -听我的没错

- I'm not a sweeper. - Trust me on this.

我觉得你们俩得谈谈这件事

I think you two need to talk it out.

我跟她没什么好说的

I don't have anything to say to her.

她才是有问题的那个 不是我

She's the one with the problem, not me.

你到底向着谁

Whose side are you on?

她是我的女儿 你是我的妻子

She's my daughter. You're my wife.

让我们先理清重点

Let's remember what's important here.

橄榄球赛马上就开始了

There's a football game on.

我只是不想我的两个女孩相处得不好

I just hate it when my two girls aren't getting along.

她怎么成你的女孩了

How exactly is she your girl?

我为聚会准备了一点东西

I got a few things for the party.

莉莉准备好要走了吗

Is Lily ready to go?

是的 她准备好了

Oh, yeah, yeah. She's ready.

怎么了

What's wrong?

我真的很担心C·J·海托

I'm just really worried about C.J. Hightower.

他脚踝受伤了

With the bad ankle,

我不知道他要怎么跑完三角线路

I don't know how he's gonna run his corner routes.

我男友刚刚说了什么呀

What did my boyfriend just say?

我听了你之前说的 我同意你的话

Listen, I heard what you said, and I thought, yes,

我应该多了解一下橄榄球

I should try to learn more about football.

你这么做真是成熟了

That is very mature of you.

我觉得 橄榄球迷都能学会

I figure, if football fans can learn it,

那能有多难呢

how hard can it be?

就你最聪明

That's very elitist of you.

我才刚刚起步 好不

I'm taking baby steps here, all right?

其实 我真的很期待

I'm actually- I'm really looking forward to it.

因为这不仅仅是比赛

'Cause it's not just the game.

而且现场彩旗招展 锣鼓喧天

It's-It's the bands and the drama, the pageantry.

别忘了还有球队的吉祥物

Don't forget about the team mascots.

他们戴"宽领带"吗

They wear ascots?

不是 是"吉祥物" 有个"M"开头

No. Mascots. With an "M."

要是在外人面前你就丢脸了

That could have been very embarrassing.

好吧

Okay.

直吗

Am I straight?

我也不知道你是直男还是什么

I'm not sure what you are right now.

你们好吗

How ya doin'?

- 外公好 -小美女好

- Hey, Gramps. - Hi, beautiful.

你好 菲尔 见到你真好

Hi, Phil. Good to see ya.

让我猜猜 比赛开始了吗

Let me guess. Game's on?

刚开始

Just started.

送给你的

Hey. For you.

很高兴见到你 歌洛莉亚

It's nice to see you, Gloria.

今天两次哦

Ah! Two times today.

- 抱两次好啊 -菲尔

- Okay, well... - Uh, Phil?

她的意思是我们今天见了两次

She means we've seen them two times today.

大家听着 吃的在那边 喝的在那边

Okay, everybody, the food's in there. The drinks are in there.

- 我进屋去了 -等等 杰

- I'll be in here. - Hold on, Jay.

我觉得我们不该忽视明显存在的一个问题

I think we should address the elephant in the room.

卢克 曼尼 都过来

Uh, Luke, Manny. Bring it in.

快点 聚在一起

Come on. Huddle up.

像打橄榄球一样

Football.

鉴于今天在学校里发生的事情

Now in light of what happened at school today,

你们有什么想说的吗

do you have any feelings you'd like to express?

我觉得现在是个合适的表达机会

I think this is the proper forum...

老天啊 得了吧 你们两个

For god's sakes. All right, both of you.

在这个家里 我们是欺负彼此

Now, in this family, do we kick and punch each other,

还是关爱彼此

or do we love each other?

关爱彼此 这就对了

Love each other. That's right.

我进屋去了

I'II be in the den.

我带了些甜点

So, I brought dessert.

好的 谢谢你

Okay. Thank you.

我也做了派

I make pie too.

派再多也不嫌多 对吧

You can never have too many pies, right?

行了

Okay, whoa. Whoa.

大家深呼吸

Everybody take a deep breath.

我们面对现实吧

Let's think about getting real.

菲尔 别这样

Phil, no.

为什么说"菲尔 别这样"

Why "Phil, no"?

菲尔要干嘛

What is Phil doing?

我只是想说出来

I'm just gonna say it.

你们俩之间的紧张气氛

There's tension between you two.

已经弥漫出来了

Bam. It's out there.

我要宰了你

I'm gonna kill you.

我想他是对的 而且我们应该谈谈

I think he's right, and I think we should talk about it.

我就是想说这个

That's what I'm talkin' about...

你们谈谈 这个事儿

you two talking... about it.

我喜欢橄榄球

I like football.

海莉很讨厌 这很奇怪

Haley hates it, which is weird

因为里面全是男孩 也不必看书

because it's all boys... and there's no reading required.

你知道吗 她每天早上

Do you know that she spends

至少花45分钟弄她的头发

at least 45 minutes every morning doing her hair?

而且有的时候

And then sometimes...

冲啊 伊利诺伊队

Let's go, Illini!

冲啊 快冲

Let's go! Right now!

看来我要和迪克·布特库斯一起看比赛了

Looks like I gotta watch the game with Dick Butkus.

老爸 别这样 太冒犯人了

Dad! Dad, come on. That's offensive.

米奇尔 那人是伊利诺斯州

Mitchell, he's one of the greatest linebackers

最棒的中后卫球员之一

to ever play at Illinois...

也是我自己的偶像之一

and one of my personal heroes.

难道他的名字真是"亲屁股"吗

And his name is "Butt-kiss"?

我们只是想要

We're just choosing to...

好吧 没什么

Okay. All right.

老爸 我以为你恐同呢 抱歉

Dad, I thought you were being homophobic. I'm sorry.

- 我们有一整晚要相处呢 -好吧

- We got all night. - Yes, we do.

- 你要和我们一起看吗 -是的

- Are you joining us here? - Yeah.

杰 你知道吗 他正在钻研呢

Jay, you know what? He's been studying up.

跟你说 我有点担心C·J·海托

I gotta tell ya, I'm a little worried about C.J. Hightower.

没错吧 他脚踝受伤了

Right? With the bad ankle?

我很好奇他怎么能完成三角线路

I'm wondering how he's gonna run his corner routes.

- 海托不上场 -什么

- Hightower's out. - What?

那谁来跑三角线路

Oh. Then who is gonna run the corner routes?

我来告诉你谁不会上吧 比林斯

I'll tell you who it won't be- Billings.

太明显了 他在坐牢

That's low. He's in jail.

是啊 他不会上

Oh, wow. Yeah. Then no.

双侧边锋

Double tight end,

四分卫要冲到左边了

it's gonna be a quarterback roll-out to the left.

- 他们要成功了 -不可能 相信我

- They're gonna run it. - No, trust me.

他抢到位置了

He's got the slot.

到达阵区了 触地得分

In the end zone! Touchdown!

真幸运 也许 他们该考虑下闪电战

Lucky call. Maybe they, uh, should've considered blitzing.

闪电战没用的 一边儿凉快去吧

Blitzing wouldn't have helped them. Get outta here.

天呐 闪电战

Oh, gosh. Blitzing.

于是 我对橄榄球的兴趣突然消失殆尽

So, my interest in football ended as suddenly and dramatically...

就像《西区故事》在高潮时戛然而止

as the climax of West Side Story.

我是个音乐剧迷

I'm a musical theater fan.

惊讶吧

Surprise.

好吧 说实话吗

Okay. The truth?

有时候我觉得你不喜欢我

I sometimes feel like you don't like me.

开门见山 重磅出击

Powerful, powerful stuff.

克莱尔 告诉我们你怎么想

Claire? Tell us how that makes you feel.

此时此刻 我感到怒火中烧啊

Right now, I'm feeling a lot of anger.

别 别跟我说 跟她说

No, don't tell me. Tell her.

歌洛莉亚 我现在很生菲尔的气

Gloria, right now, I'm really angry at Phil.

别跑题了

Let's respect the process.

歌洛莉亚 我不知道

Gloria, I don't know

为什么你觉得我不喜欢你

why you think I don't like you.

有时 你在我面前会摆出那种表情

Sometimes when you see me, you make that face.

什么表情

What face?

就像这样

Like this.

- 我才没做过那种表情呢 -我的天啊

- I do not make a face like that. - Oh, my God.

- 那可是克莱尔的招牌表情 -米奇尔

- That is so Claire. - Mitchell!

看见没 她对谁都那副表情

See? She does that with everyone.

已经习惯成自然了

It's just her face.

不仅仅是那种表情

No, it's not just the face.

从最开始到现在

From the beginning,

我觉得我和曼尼在这个家不受欢迎

I feel like Manny and I are not welcome in this family.

这也太疯狂了吧

That is so crazy.

不 一点都不疯狂 是我的真实感受

No, it's not so crazy. It's how I feel.

如果你那么想 我很抱歉

I am sorry if you feel that way.

真的很抱歉 从我见到你的那一刻起

I really am, because from the moment I met you,

我就想让你融入到我们当中来

I have tried to make you feel comfortable with us.

你觉得这只是我自己胡思乱想

You think it's all in my head?

没 有点 我不知道

No. Kind- I don't know.

我是说 我们很欢迎你和曼尼加入我们家

I mean, we really love having you and Manny in our family.

- 真的 -真的

- Really? - Really.

所以 你用不着这么有戒心

So, you don't have to be so defensive.

我是有戒心 是吧

I do that, don't I?

有一点吧

Well, a bit.

我觉得应该拥抱了

I'm feeling a hug.

我是想说三人群抱

I was thinking group hug,

- 但这也不错 -我要能去的话就去了

- But this is nice. - I'd be there if I could.

天啊 这还有人搂搂抱抱呢

Oh, my God. There's hugging.

海莉 不打电话会死啊

Haley, get off the phone already.

你去哪了

Where did you go?

你听见他说什么了

You heard him.

他说"一边凉快去"

He said, "Get outta here."

天啊 你真像个娇弱的小姑娘

Oh, my God. You're such a girl.

爸 反正我也想要喝杯啤酒的

Dad- I was coming to get a beer anyways.

你道歉真有诚意

Nice apology.

啤酒真不错

Nice beer.

嘿 两个壮小伙来了

Hey, there are the little roustabouts.

- 看来你们和好如初了 -没错

- You look like you patched things up pretty good, huh? - Yeah.

我们能从孩子身上学到许多东西啊

Oh, we can learn so much from the children.

现在再回头想想打架的事

Bet it seems kind of silly now

是不是觉得当时很蠢啊

what you were even fighting about, huh?

- 我笑他的口音 -什么口音

- I made fun of his accent. - What accent?

我笑他每天的午餐都一样

I made fun of him for having the same thing for lunch every day.

我取笑他 因为他妈妈以前是挖煤的

I made fun of him because his mom used to dig coal.

什么

What?

他说你是个挖煤工

He said you were a coal digger.

好了 我觉得该换个话题了

Okay. I think we can move on.

谁说我是个"挖煤工"

Who said I was a coal digger?

我妈告诉我的

That's what my mom told me.

什么是挖煤工

What's a coal digger?

宝贝 他听错了

Sweetheart, he heard it wrong.

那叫"淘金工"

It's "Gold digger."

我得过一会再打给你了

I'm gonna have to call you back.

我真的不记得说过这话

I really do not think that I remember ever saying that.

其实 你在车里这么说过

Well, you said in the car.

你圣诞节这么说过

You said it at Christmas.

- 你还在墨西哥餐厅这么说过 -好了

- You said it in the Mexican restaurant- - Okay,

乖儿子 你每天丢三落四

Mr. "Leaves His Sweatshirts at School Every Day...

今天却记忆如神 真谢谢你了

Suddenly Remembers Everything," Thank you.

还说是我自己胡思乱想 哈

And it was all in my head, huh?

听我说 歌洛莉亚 其实

Oh, listen. Gloria, it was...

都是一年前的事了 那时我还不了解你呢

like, a year ago, before I knew you.

你真行啊

Nice going.

搞得我妈和我姐吵架了吧

Now my mom and my sister are fighting.

如果我说了众人都想说的话

If I say something that everybody else is thinking,

是不是意味着我很刻薄呢

does that make me a mean person?

或者说我很勇敢呢

Or does it make me a brave person?

我就是一个有勇气

One who is courageous enough to

顶住压力 挺身而出

stand up and-and say something...

在背后悄悄地说

behind someone's back

只敢在小孩面前说

to a 10-year-old.

她现在可是气疯了

Well, she's pissed.

是啊 她甚至连房间都不愿意出了

Yeah. She wouldn't even come out of her room.

你真的非要说她是"傍大款的"吗

Did you really have to call her that- a gold digger?

知道吗 爸爸 那可是一年前

Well, you know what, Dad? It was a year ago.

所以人家自然而然会问啊

And it was a natural question to ask.

她那么漂亮 那么性感

She's a beautiful, hot woman,

而你却不那么 你懂的

and you're not exactly, you know-

不那么什么

Not exactly what?

米奇尔 帮帮忙啊

Um- Mitchell, little help?

不用 你说的挺好的

No. You are doing great.

看见了吧 所以说家事要忍着

See, this is exactly why we sweep things under the rug-

这样大家才不会受伤害

so people don't get hurt.

话是没错 但如果老是忍着憋着

Yeah, until you sweep too much under the rug.

矛盾就越积越多

Then you got a lumpy rug.

矛盾爆发的危险也越大 也会惹祸上身

Creates a tripping hazard. You open yourself up to lawsuits.

岳父大人 你可以好长时间不眨眼啊

Boy, you can go a really long time without blinking.

歌洛莉亚 我是菲尔

Gloria? It's Phil.

能和你谈一会吗

Can I talk to you for a second?

克莱尔总是说 "你要么是问题制造者"

Claire likes to say you can be part of the problem...

"要么就是问题解决者"

or part of the solution.

而我则认为 解铃还须系铃人

But I happen to believe that you can be both.

听着 克莱尔感到很抱歉

Listen, Claire feels terrible.

要不你找她谈谈

Why don't you talk to her?

为什么 我知道她认为我是个挖煤的

Why? I know what she thinks- a coal digger.

你知道她说的其实是傍大款的吧

You know she's saying "Gold digger"?

我知道 菲尔

Yes, Phil!

我知道她这么说过

Well, I-I know she said that.

但那是很早以前的事了

But that was a long time ago,

那时她尚未真正了解你

before she knew you.

杰是不是给我买好东西了

Does Jay buy me nice things?

没错 当然了 全是好东西

Yes! Of course! All beautiful things.

看看这些 黄的 红的 蓝的

Look at this- yellow, red, blue.

五颜六色的

All the colors.

你认为我没了这些就活不了了吗

Do you think I can't live without this?

拿走啊 菲尔

Take them away, Phil.

歌洛莉亚

Gloria,

我们都知道你不穿内裤也没事

we all know you'd be fine without underwear.

我是说 我们知道你说的不是这个

I mean, we know it's not about that.

对 我说的是我不被这个家庭所接纳

No. It's about me not being accepted by my new family.

不是这样的

That is not true.

歌洛莉亚 听着 你是个大美女

Gloria, look, you're a beautiful woman.

其实 你很有可能

In fact, you're probably one of those

都不知道自己是美女

beautiful women who doesn't even know it.

不 我知道的

No, I know it.

所以克莱尔自然

So it's natural

会对你和她爸的关系产生联想啊

for Claire to wonder about you and her dad.

这是个保护欲很强的家庭

This family's very protective of each other.

我还记得克莱尔第一次带我去她家的时候

I remember the first time Claire brought me home.

你以为杰会觉得我配得上他家千金吗

Do you think Jay thought I was good enough for his little girl?

才不会 但是过了一段时间

No way. But over time,

他意识到我和他一样深爱着克莱尔

he realized that I loved Claire as much as he did.

与此同时 米奇把小卡带进家门

And by then, Mitch had brought Cam home,

相比之下我就是金龟婿了

so I was golden.

克莱尔只是需要些时间

Claire just needs a little time.

相信我 过段时间后

And then, trust me,

她就会成为你最亲的闺蜜了

she'll be the most loyal friend you've ever had.

你们不是要走吧

You're not leaving, are you?

你也知道 现在这儿闹得有点不愉快

You know, there's kind of a lot of drama.

- 我们深受折磨 -我问你们点事

- So we're torn. - Let me ask you something.

你姐姐说歌洛莉亚

Your sister said that Gloria

绝不会喜欢上我这种样子的男人

would never go for anybody who looked like me.

所以说 基本上 你们和女人差不多

Now, you guys basically are like women.

你们喜欢男人

You know, you look at guys.

所以你们怎么想

So what do you think?

你真是在问我们 你是否有吸引力吗

You're seriously asking us if you're attractive?

我知道自己算不上高帅富

Well, I know I'm no Erik Estrada or anything.

- 我只是好奇罢了 -爸

- I'm just curious is all. - Dad.

所以如果我出现在同志酒吧 然后

So if I was in one of your bars and-

播着经典老歌

Righteous Brothers were on, you know.

你会不会

Would you, uh,

我不知道 和我搭讪

I don't know, check me out?

爸 你快要毁了做基佬的情调了

Dad, you're really close to ruining gay for me.

- 那好 无所谓 -杰 听着

- All right, fine. Whatever. - Jay. Jay, now listen.

我觉得 我只是觉得

I think it's- I just think it's

要一个儿子对父亲这么说实在太诡异

a little weird for a son to say this to his father.

但我声明一下 我觉得你超性感的

But for the record, I think you're smokin' hot.

真的吗

Really?

当然 百分百肯定 你绝对是我的菜

Yeah, 100%. You're totally my type.

你既危险 又触手可及

You're dangerous, you're getable,

你荷包里又装着鼓鼓的钱

you have a little "Cashola" In your pocket.

长相 身材 还是整体

Face, body, the whole-

从头到脚都特帅 我觉得 真的

The whole kit and caboodle, I think. Really.

- 那有7分吗 -9分 绝对的9分

- What about a seven? Nine. For sure, nine.

- 但你肯定知道的 -我有点低估自己了

- But you knew that. - I might have lowballed a little bit.

不是还有比赛呢吗

Okay, isn't there a game on?

- 他太敏感 -我知道

- Touchy. - I know.

歌洛莉亚 拜托 我们好好谈谈

Gloria? Come on, let's- let's talk about this.

我可见过她破门而入过

I've seen her kick in a door before.

我不知道我丈夫和你说了什么 或者

I don't know what my husband is saying to you or...

为什么他浑身都是你的内裤

why he's covered in your underwear.

很显然我是看上他的钱了呗

Obviously I'm trying to seduce him for his money.

因为我就是这样的人嘛 对不对

'Cause that's what I do, right?

我究竟要付出什么

What do I have to give back...

才能得到大家的信任啊

so that everyone trusts me? Huh?

- 耳环吗 -不是

- These earrings? - No.

- 那是什么 手镯吗 -不是

- What? This bracelet? - No.

- 还是我的新裙子 -不是

- My new dress? - No.

我没出声是因为

I didn't respond because...

其实关键不在于我

this shouldn't be about me.

而在于你

It should be about you...

和你 好好谈 一谈

talking to you... about it.

菲尔 亲爱的

Phil? Honey?

不 不 不 不用

No, no, no. No.

不用谢

You're welcome.

我不知道该说些什么

I don't know what to say

只能说我真的非常非常抱歉

except for that I am really, really sorry.

你就告诉我一件事

Just tell me one thing.

对于我和你爸的关系 你到底怎么想

How do you really feel that I'm with your father?

其实

Uh, well-

说实话 一开始 我很难接受

Honestly, at first, it was hard.

我是说 谁都不会期望有一天醒来后发现

I mean, you don't expect to wake up one morning...

多了一个比自己还年轻性感的后妈吧

with a new mom who looks like she fell off a mud flap.

但是 我正慢慢去习惯

But... I'm getting used to it.

而且 重要的是你能让他幸福

And the important thing is you make him happy,

用你的各种方法

which you do in- in so many ways,

五颜六色的方法

so many colors.

我们和好了吗

Are we okay?

- 没 -没

- No. - No?

你让我在所有人面前出丑了

You embarrassed me in front of everyone downstairs.

怎么 要我这么轻易就忘掉吗

What, I'm supposed just to forget about it?

那你想要怎样

What do you want me to do-

让我也出丑 这样我们就扯平了

just embarrass myself so we're even?

跳进泳池

Go jump in the pool.

是让我离你远点 是吧

Oh, you mean go jump in a lake. Right.

我是让你穿着衣服跳进泳池

Go jump in the pool with your clothes on.

那样我就知道你的歉意了

Then I know you're sorry.

我是不会跳的 歌洛莉亚

I'm not gonna do that, Gloria.

好的 那我也不会原谅你

Okay. Then I won't forgive you.

再来个定位球 我们就输了

Now a field goal beats us.

你们俩和好了吗

Hey, you guys work that out?

差不多了 歌洛莉亚想让我跳进泳池

Almost. Gloria just wants me to jump in the pool.

- 那好吧 -什么

- Okay then. - What?

他们咋就不来个突破 或者请求暂停啊

If they could get a pass rush on 'em, something, a break.

太赞了

This is so awesome.

我知道 我妈浑身湿透很难看的

I know. Mom does not look good wet.

歌洛莉亚 这真有必要吗

Gloria, is this really necessary?

爸 没事 如果我跳进泳池

Dad, it's fine. It's fine. If I need to jump in this water...

能证明我对歌洛莉亚的歉意 那我就跳

to prove to Gloria how sorry I am, I will do it.

我没事

I'm fine.

你来真的吗 你就不拦我一下

You're serious? You're not gonna stop me?

我干嘛要拦

Why would I do that?

因为我已经站这了

Because I am standing here.

我已经证明了我的诚意

I am showing you my willingness to-

不行是吧

No?

- 你高兴了吧 -没错 我原谅你了

- Are you happy? - Yes! I forgive you!

那就拉我一把

Then give me your hand.

这招早就烂大街了

Oh, that's the oldest trick in the book.

- 她要把你也拉进池里 -我才不

- She's gonna pull you in there. - No!

所以我来帮你

And that's my job.

真有趣 但同时也给我们上了一课

This is funny, but this is also a teaching moment.

- 是吧 -好好想想 不

- Yeah! - Think about...No!

大炸弹来啦

Cannonball!

向后传球 失误了

The snap! Fumble!

怎么会传球失误呢

How could he fumble that?

都怪中卫

Center blew the snap.

你知道吗 我最讨厌这么说了

You know what?I hate that.

我以前就是中卫

I played center,

明明是四分卫笨手笨脚 却让我背黑锅

and I always got blamed for a quarterback's clumsy hands.

我当过四分卫 这可能确实是你的错

Well, I was a quarterback, and it was probably your fault.

如果四分卫把手的位置放正确了

It's impossible to fumble the ball...

传球怎么可能会失误呢

when the quarterback has the proper hand placement.

要有女性认为老爸有吸引力那就太诡异了

It's weird to think of a woman being sexually attracted to Dad.

不 你知道什么才诡异吗

No, you wanna hear weird?

小卡说他会在同志酒吧找老爸搭讪

Cam said he'd pick up dad at a gay bar.

这是唱的哪出啊

Ooh. How did that come up?

嗯嗯 我正想忘记这事呢

Mmm, I'm really trying to block it out.

我觉得嘛

As far as I'm concerned,

老爸老妈也就上过两次床

Mom and Dad had sex two times.

同意

Agreed.

好 把你的手放到这上来

Okay, get your hands up there

就像你要把我举起来一样

like you're lifting me off the ground.

和我合为一体 杰 这就成了

Be one with me, Jay. There you go.

你想不想吃点东西

Do you wanna get something to eat?

我恶心得什么都吃不下了

I am never eating again.

赶紧传那该死的球

Just snap the damn thing.

完美 就是有点疼

Perfect. That one kinda hurt.

,