大学英语作文批改（批改英语作文求职信）

批改英语作文，原文来自网络。

Dear Sir or madam，

I'm a college graduate seeking opportunities to work for your company. I have received the bachelor's degree in international trade, proficient at English, both written and spoken. My academic achievement ranks among top ten of one hundred graduate students in my university. In addition, I have been working for our student union for over three years. As an extrovert and optimistic boy, I love playing football and basketball and organizing such matches both in spring and autumn. Also, I'm very popular among my fellow students. Moreover, I have kept doing a part-time job in a medium-sized company in Beijing for years, working in sales department.

I would accept a job in either marketing or human resources management, for I not only have specialized in these two fields but also have keen interest in them. My wages are expected to range from 2000 to 4,500 yuan each month, excluding the social security. Of course, it is better that your company provides me with a small room.

I hope you will give preference to my application and give me a chance to prove that I am worth more than you pay me.

Best wishes!

Sincerely yours，

"Dear Sir or Madam" —— 这是陈旧的用法，现在很少有人这样写。现在人的想法，求职时，如果能够找到招聘负责人的信息，把求职信写给他们。如果找不到这类具体信息，求职信上就写招聘负责人的职位或职责，比如 "Dear HR Manager"等。这里我们假设招人的公司是ACOM，我们写"Dear ACOM Hiring Team"。意图是写得具体一点儿，显示你费心做了一点儿研究，不是一封信包打天下。

"I'm a college graduate seeking opportunities to work for your company" —— 这个还是比较笼统，像是有枣无枣打一杆。假设我们查到了ACOM招聘的具体信息，可以说："I am writing to apply for a position in marketing or human resources at your company, which you advertised on ABC" – "我写此信，申请贵公司市场或人事部门的职位，这些职位你们曾在ABC广告发布。"

"I have received the bachelor's degree in international trade, proficient at English, both written and spoken." —— 拿到学位是大事，外语技能是小事，两件事不宜以这样一带而过的句式表述，可以分成两句。另外，从哪个大学拿到了学位，是基本情况，应该明确。再另外，同一类的事情放在一起说，下面讲到自己在大学的排名，跟学习成绩有关，可以放在这里。

"My academic achievement ranks among top ten of one hundred graduate students in my university." —— 这个"graduate students"，"研究生"，与前面的本科学位矛盾。大概是想说"graduating students"，"毕业的学生"。但是一个大学不可能一届只毕业了一百个学生，还必须说在什么范围？求职时提供的个人信息必须具体准确，否则难以取信于人。上述两句改成："I have recently received my bachelor’s degree in international trade from the Great University, and I rank among top ten of the one hundred graduating students in the business school."

"In addition…. Also…. Moreover…." —— 这些东西太琐碎了，屁大点儿事，转折那么多，又不是豫园九曲桥。合并同类项，内容上要有逻辑性，不是只用绳头把东西硬串起来。有学习成绩、社会活动、工作经验，这么几项。

"I have been working for our student union for over three years." —— 时态不对，现在完成进行时表示过去开始的事情一直延续到现在，而且还可能继续进行下去。你已然毕业，不可能还在学生会工作。用过去时。还有，准确起见，说明是哪一级的学生会。"Outgoing and optimistic, I worked as an officer in the business school's student union for over three years."

"As an extrovert and optimistic boy" —— 中国人有时说自己是个"外向的人"、"内向的人"，但英美人似乎不大这么讲，通常是说别人"introvert"或者"extrovert"，而且这么说的时候好像还有那么点儿意味，就是，"那是病，得治。" 可以自我描述为"outgoing and optimistic"。另外，大学都毕业了，不要再说自己是个"boy"，搞得像个台湾阿姨，多大年龄都是"女生"。

"I love playing football and basketball and organizing such matches both in spring and autumn." —— 求职了，谁管你是春季篮球还是秋季篮球，说seasonal吧："I love playing soccer and basketball and helped organize seasonal competitions on campus."

"Also, I'm very popular among my fellow students." —— 虽说西方人主张个性解放，可是他们好像也很少这样表扬自己。特朗普除外，他因之被人们称为"narcissist"，"自恋狂"。如果非要表达这么个意思，修饰一下说法，"I’m a team player, and, if I may say so, quite popular among my fellow students" （"我有团队精神，而且，不瞒您说，平时还挺受同学们的欢迎。"）

"I have kept doing a part-time job in a medium-sized company in Beijing for years, working in sales department." —— 明确是哪家公司，究竟做了几年。"for years"，"有年头了"，你刚上完大学，能有多少个年头啊。"In the past two years I have worked part time in sales at Firm XYZ, which is a medium-sized company based in Beijing."

"I have specialized in these two fields" —— 刚毕业，还说不上"specialized in"，意思大概是大学里学这个。那就说，"I have specialized in these two fields while studying in college"。

"My wages are expected to range from 2000 to 4,500 yuan each month" —— 蓝领工人挣"wage"，白领职员挣"salary"。"My expectation for salary is in the range of 2,000 to 4,500 yuan per month"。

"Of course, it is better that your company provides me with a small room." —— 应届毕业生求职信里要求有独立办公室，开玩笑吧。既然是开玩笑，你不如这么说："It would be great if the company could provide me with a corner office" （"如果公司能够为我提供一间把角办公室，那就非常理想了。"）Corner office通常是公司头头头脑脑的驻在，因为这种办公室两面有窗。

"I hope you will give preference to my application and give me a chance to prove that I am worth more than you pay me." —— "give preference to"不太好，因为"preference"在当今西方文化里有特殊对待的意思，比如对弱者，或者对经理的小舅子，都可能有"preferential treatment"。可以改成"view my application favorably"，"做个正面的决定"。"I hope you will view my application favorably and give me the chance to prove that I am worth more than you pay me" （"我希望您能接受我的申请，使我有机会向您证明我对贵公司物有所值。"）

"Best wishes!" —— 这个不必了，你是个找工的，还轮不到你向公司送上良好的祝愿。下面有"Sincerely yours"，表达你渴望卖力的诚意，足矣。

英语作文批改：求职信 - 修改后

尊敬的ACOM招聘团队：

我写此信，向贵公司申请市场部或人事部的职位，这些职位你们曾在ABC发布。我最近由伟大大学取得国际贸易学士学位，在我们商学院一百名毕业生中排名前十。我英语娴熟，写作与口语均佳。我性格开朗，积极乐观，曾在我们商学院学生会服务逾三年。我喜爱踢足球、打篮球，曾参与组织校园里每年春秋两季的球类比赛。我极富团队精神，不甚谦虚地说，在同学群里很受欢迎。过去两年里，我一直在Firm XYZ兼职，从事销售工作。如您所知，Firm XYZ是位于北京的一家中等规模的公司。

我愿意接受市场或人事方面的一份工作，因为这是我在大学的专业，而且我对这类工作也有很强的兴趣。我对工资的期望是在每月3000到6000元之间（税后）。如果公司能为我提供一间两面有窗的总裁办公室，那就太好了（开玩笑！）

我希望您能接受我的申请，给我这个机会，我当可向您证明自己对于公司的价值。

您的满怀诚意的，

某某某

虽然大家说现在写信不应再用Dear Sir/Madam开头，madam和sir这两个字在英语环境里还是很常见。在正式场合，madam (/ˈmædəm/) 被用于称为地位较高的女士，比如英国女王，或者什么会议的主席，"Madam President ..."。在日常生活中，人们用ma'am (/ˈmæm/) 称呼不相识的女士："Ma'am, you dropped your keys." （"那位女士，你的钥匙掉了。"）

早年间，妓院的老鸨也叫作madam。这个应该是与汉语里"小姐"的词义演变类似，一开始是个尊称，后来就变了味了。不同的是，如上所述，madam作为一个尊称生存下来了，老鸨这个词义倒是消沉了。

英美生活中Sir的用法与madam一样，通常是年轻人称呼年长的、不甚熟悉的男人："Yes, sir. No, sir." 当然，在英国sir也被用来标识有爵位的男人，比如Sir John Bell。

Madam来源于法语madame (/məˈdɑːm/)，这个带"e"的madame常常被用来称呼一些外国领导人的老婆，比如美国人把宋美龄称作Madame Chiang（蒋夫人），还有菲律宾的Madame Marcos（马科斯夫人）。