托福写作躲坑书（托福写作批改案例）

TPO 42: Independent Writing

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?

Workers are more satisfied when they have many different types of tasks to do during the workday than when they do similar tasks all day long.

Recently, there has been a heated debate about a question whether workers are of more satisfaction when they are assigned different tasks. The debate divides people into two groups, one of which believes that the type of work assigned has no impact on worker’s happiness.（尽量避免套话式的开头，建议针对不同题型和话题设计适合的背景句） However, from my perspective, I agree with the idea（为避免歧义，建议直接说明自己的观点） that the type of work matters（没有完整且直接地回答题目的问题）, based on the following reasons. （请对主体段分论点进行完整地概括，不建议使用此类套话）

First and foremost, the main reason of （借此使用错误，替换成for）my propensity（这个单词通常用来解释倾向性，而非观点，建议替换成opinion） is that the switch（switch是可数名词，建议使用a switch） among various tasks can help worker（名词单复数错误，workers） to relax. In the absence of such switch（switch是可数名词，建议使用a switch）, worker will have to focus on one thing for a long time, which will make him very exhausted. An example from my own experience can serve as further（之前没有举例子，不需要用further表示递进） illustration. I used to be an auditor for a big accounting firm. Employee（两个句子建议用where链接合并成一个句子） who work for the firm suffered from great pressure from the urgent schedule and heavy workload. However, I found it would be easier if I deal（dealt，时态需保持一致） with different tasks in a workday, say,（避免口语化表达） analyzing the financial statement in the morning and conducting auditing procedure in the afternoon. This case is not rare（这个句子没有说完，建议补充in other industries and scenarios）. Even in the（非特质，无需冠词，建议删除the） primary school, the school will set many kinds of（语言啰嗦，删除） subjects for students, so that they won’t get bored of always learning the same subject.（缺乏段落小结句）

Secondly, another point should be taken into account is that to deal with different tasks can give workers a bigger sense of achievement. The channel-switching process can offer a good opportunity for one to feel that he is capable of doing many things, instead of some（替换成a） robot who can only handle a small range of tasks. A good case in point is that （类比的论证方法上一段已经用过了，不建议重复使用）some coach in National Basketball association will involve as many as players into the process of scoring, though the main functions of some players are only to provide a good defense, because they will be more positive if they feel that they are needed in other area, and hence improving their performance on the defense. The underlying logic can also be applied（apply可以用主动形式） to this scenario that if workers are given more chances to show their talents in other fields, they will be more satisfied, which leads to a higher performance. （段落并没有说清楚具体为什么可以更加satisfied，也缺乏有效的小结句）

（建议补充让步段）

Judging from the reasons and examples mentioned above, we can safely arrive at the conclusion that worker should be assigned a variety of tasks during the workday. （结尾段没有直接回答题目的问题）

作文得分：

语言丰富度：3分

语言准确度：3分

结构完整性：4分

扣题和逻辑：3分

综合评分：3.25分

作文等级：Fair

卷面分数：21分

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