结婚前要说清楚的几个问题（必须要问清楚自己的6个问题）

Millions of divorces take place all around the world every year. Many of them happen because one of the partners has changed significantly. Some of them happen because of the chronic cheating habits of either partner.

全世界每年都有成千上万对夫妻离婚。其中许多婚姻破裂是因为其中一方变心了。还有的是因为其中一方存在长期欺骗行为。

But most of them happen because they were not in the right marriage to begin with. Those marriages took place because the partners didn’t (or couldn’t) give as much thought to their decision (of getting married) as they should have.

但大多数人会离婚是因为他们一开始就没有选择正确的婚姻。他们会结婚是因为夫妻双方没有(或者没能)对结婚这个决定做出应有的思考。

They didn’t ask the right questions. They weren’t ready for the right evaluations (of themselves and their partners) and couldn’t anticipate the profound change that marriage would bring to their lives.

他们没有问自己正确的问题。他们没有准备对自己和另一半做出正确的评估，也无法预测婚姻将会对他们的生活带来的巨大改变。

Are you thinking of getting married? In that case, have you made a careful assessment of your relationship to check if it is marriage-ready?

你正在考虑结婚吗？如果是的话，你是否已经仔细评估过你们的关系，看看是否已经为结婚做好准备了呢？

If not, here are the six crucial questions that you must ask yourselves before you pop the question. While there are many more factors specific to your relationship which you can (and should) take into account, make sure you don’t miss out on these six.

如果还没有，下面这六个关键问题是你在准备结婚之前必须问自己的。关于你们的关系，还有许多你可以(或者应该)考虑的因素，至少不要错过这六点。

NO.1

Are our life and career goals similar?

我们的生活和事业目标相似吗？

Marriage is a decision to inextricably join your life with someone else’s. Aligning your life, career and other important goals is crucial.

一旦做出结婚的决定，你的生活就无可避免地会介入另一半的生活。调整你的生活、事业、以及其他重要的目标非常关键。

Do you want to settle down in a quaint suburb and have lots of kids? Then don’t marry someone who wants to live and work in five continents.

你想在一个清净的郊区定居下来生很多孩子吗？那么就不要和那些想在世界各地生活工作的人结婚。

Are you planning to pool all your resources, throw them (and yourself) head-on into your new start-up – the dream of your life? Then don’t marry someone who wants a stable, cushy life and lots of “quality time” together.

你是否计划把你所有的资源(包括你自己)全部投入到你毕生的梦想——你的新公司里？那么就不要和那些想要稳定、轻松的生活，而且想要总是黏在一起的人结婚。

NO.2

Do we fulfill each other's needs?

我们是否可以满足对方的需求？

We all have emotional, intellectual, physical, practical, social and various other needs from a relationship. If you’re in a relationship and are planning to get married, ask yourself – have you made a rational, clear-headed evaluation of whether and how much of your needs your significant other fulfills?

在一段关系中，我们都有情感的、理智的、生理的、实际的、社会的以及其他各种需求。如果你处在一段恋爱中正计划结婚，问问你自己，你是否已经理性、清醒地评估过，你的另一半是否满足了你的需求，满足了多少？

Or are you glossing over your unfulfilled needs thinking “every relationship requires compromise”？

或者你是否正在掩盖自己尚未满足的需求，心想“每段感情都要学会妥协”？

This is important because when we’re in the throes of that addictive drug called love, we tend to see only positives in the person we’re in love with.

这一点很重要，因为当我们在爱情这种会上瘾的毒药中挣扎时，我们都倾向于只看见我们爱的那个人的优点。

Now nothing can be truer than the fact that every relationship takes some ceding of grounds, and kudos to you if you’re willingly doing your bit. But if you ignore your basic needs, they will find a way to come back to you in the long run – in the form of fights, emotional abuse, cheating and even divorce.

事实上如果你想继续下去，每段感情都需要一些退让，放下一些尊严，这一点再正确不过了。但是如果你忽视了自己基本的需求，它们最终还是会回来找你——形式也许是争斗、精神虐待、欺骗甚至离婚。

NO.3

Do we know really know each other?

我们真的了解对方吗？

I was once with a guy who lied about his age on Facebook, and I never asked him about it. We were six months into the relationship when I discovered he was five years older than I thought.

我曾经交往过一个男人，他在Facebook上伪造了自己的年龄，而我也从没问过他。当我们交往六个月时，我发现他比我以为的要大五岁。

Yes, you guessed it – that was not the only lie on which the relationship was based. No wonder we didn’t stay together much more than a year.

没错，你猜对了——这并不是他对我撒的唯一一个谎。难怪我们相处没到一年就分手了。

Knowing your partner and allowing them to know you are vital aspects of a stable relationship. Trust takes an immense amount of work (and time) to build, but only seconds to lose.

对于一段稳定的感情来说，了解你的另一半并且让他们了解你是至关重要的。建立信任需要大量的努力(还有时间)，而失去信任只需要几秒钟。

Be honest and tell your partner everything you think they should know about you. This will make it easier for them to do the same. Needless to say, if you can’t trust your partner enough to do that, it is probably not the time to think about marriage.

诚实地告诉你的另一半所有你认为他们应该知道的关于你的事情。这样让他们坦白起来也更容易一些。不用说，如果你还不能足够信任你的另一半这样做，也许你们还不是时候应该考虑结婚。

NO.4

Do we know how to deal with each other’s "negative" sides?

我们是否知道该如何应对对方的消极面？

You can’t live without your dogs. But your girlfriend would rather die than live with them. You’re a devil incarnate when you’re angry. You’re struggling with a bad spending habit.

没有了你的狗狗你就不能活，而你的女朋友宁愿不活了也不愿意和它们一起生活；当你愤怒时你就会变成恶魔；你正在和不好的消费习惯作斗争。

We all have our negative aspects. If you’re thinking about making a lifelong commitment to someone it’s crucial to understand and develop strategies to deal with each other’s less-than-desirable traits.

我们都有自己的缺点。如果你正在考虑向某人许下一生的承诺，那么理解并想出办法应对彼此那些不太尽如人意的特质就非常重要。

Make a conscious decision to go (or not to go) pet-less for the rest of your life for a partner who’s allergic to your pets. Make your peace with the problematic spending habits of your significant other before you decide to take the plunge.

你的另一半对你的宠物过敏，那你就得做一个清醒的决定，选择未来过(或者不过)没有宠物的生活；冷静处理不好的消费习惯，在决定冒险时想想你的另一半。

It takes time to understand and deal with things we don’t like about our partners. And until and unless you’ve spent that time, you’re not ready to make a decision on marriage。

理解并应对那些另一半身上我们不喜欢的东西是需要时间的。除非你付出了这个时间，否则你就还没有做好准备要结婚。

NO.5

Do we admire and respect each other?

我们是否赞赏并尊重对方？

Intelligence? Simplicity? A caring heart? A strong common interest? Is there something in him/her which genuinely complements you in ways more than one?

智慧？天真？善心？强烈的共同兴趣？他或她的身上是否存在着不止一样东西可以和你互补？

Falling in love with someone “for no particular reason” is great for the heady period of infatuation but not nearly enough for the everyday reality of marriage。

和某人“莫名其妙”地坠入爱河在疯狂的迷恋期是好的，但对于每天现实的婚姻来说就不够了。

Ask yourselves whether you admire each other for the special individuals that you are and the unique qualities that you both possess。

问问你自己，你们是否因为彼此的特别和共同拥有的特质而相互赞赏。

Marriage is a long – sometimes boring, but stable – commitment. It cannot be based on whether someone is exciting to you. It has to be about finding long-term fulfilment and happiness in the individuals that you are。

婚姻是一种长期的承诺，有时候很无趣，但是又很稳定。它并不建立在一个人是否让你兴奋的基础上。它必须在你身上找到长期的成就感和幸福感。

NO.6

Am I ready to think of him/her as a parent of my children?

我是否准备好让他/她做我孩子的父亲/母亲？

You love your partner like mad? Great. But do you also respect them? Are you proud of them? Remember, your legacy to this world will be as much a part of you as of him/her。

你疯狂地爱着你的另一半？很好。但是你是否也尊重他/她，为他/她感到骄傲呢？记住，你对这个世界的遗产就是你们二人结合的一部分。

Unless it fills your heart with joy to think of them as a parent of your children, you should probably think about that marriage thing again. In this regard it’s important to take not only your significant other, but also their family into account. Your child will carry as much of your genes as theirs. Is that something that makes you happy?

除非你一想到他/她会成为你孩子的父亲/母亲就满心欢喜，否则你恐怕应该重新考虑婚姻这件事。在这一点上，不仅要考虑你的另一半，还要考虑到他的家庭，这是很重要的。你的孩子携带的他的基因会和你的一样多。这会让你感到高兴吗？

Marriage is a decision that will change your life, one way or the other. Keeping a few basic principles in mind and asking the right questions will make sure you steer clear of pitfalls that often contribute to divorce。

婚姻是一个会改变你一生的决定，不管以何种方式。记住一些基本的原则，问自己这些正确的问题。这会确保你避开那些通常会导致离婚的陷阱。

没事你就玩个小游戏呀~

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