纽约时报最重要的事（慢慢的失去是一种什么感觉）

When I first visited Pauline Boss in late May, Minneapolis was on the cusp of fully reopening.

5月底，当我第一次访问波林.波斯时，明尼阿波利斯市正处于全面重新开放的边缘。

Boss, who is 87, greeted me in her building's lobby wearing thick-framed glasses,

87岁的波斯在她所在大楼的大厅里迎接我，

her light blonde hair short and an Apple Watch clasped on her left wrist.

她戴着一副厚框眼镜，一头浅金色短发，左手腕上戴着一只苹果手表。

She cautiously extended a hand toward me.

她小心翼翼地向我伸出一只手。

"Can we shake hands?" she asked, smiling.

“我们能握手吗?” 她笑着问。

"Dare we?" We did.

“我们敢吗?” 我们敢。

The apartment was bright, with two walls of windows pouring sky into the space.

这套公寓很明亮，两面墙带有窗户，可以看见室外的天空。

Bookshelves were filled with works of sociology, psychology and history;

书架上摆满了社会学、心理学和历史学的著作;

a section was devoted primarily to Sigmund Freud, and another to Boss's hometown, New Glarus, Wis.

书架的一部分主要是西格蒙德.弗洛伊德的作品，另一部分的作者是波斯的家乡威斯康星州的纽格拉鲁斯。

Out the window, the Mississippi River churned under bridges, past the tangle of downtown.

窗外，密西西比河在桥下剧烈翻滚，流经错综的市区。

The view, however spectacular, was not the apartment's selling point.

无论景色多么壮观，这都不是这套公寓的卖点。

The elevators were.

电梯才是卖点。

Boss, an emeritus professor of family social science — the study of families and close relationships — chose the place seven years ago

波斯是家庭社会科学(研究家庭和亲密关系的学科)的荣誉退休教授。七年前，她选择了这个地方

because her husband's declining health had made it difficult for him to climb the stairs of their house near the University of Minnesota,

因为她丈夫的健康状况不断恶化，爬上他们在明尼苏达大学附近的房子的楼梯很困难。

where she taught.

她在明尼苏达大学任教。

His decline was gradual.

他病情恶化是一个慢慢的过程。

In 2000, he was using a cane; by last year, when he was 88, rheumatoid arthritis had rendered him unable to walk.

2000年，他还在使用手杖; 去年，他88岁，风湿性关节炎使他无法行走。

Vascular issues resulted in open wounds on his legs.

血管问题导致他的腿上有开放性伤口。

Despite his illness, the couple maintained a semblance of normalcy, entertaining guests, going for drives and attending the theater, until last year,when the pandemic isolated them in the apartment.

尽管他生病了，这对夫妇仍保持着正常的生活，招待客人，开车兜风，去剧院，直到去年，疫情把他们隔离在公寓里。

Then, their only visitors were home health aides; once they left, Boss would take care of her husband,changing the dressing on his bandages and administering his medications.

那时，他们唯一的访客是家庭健康助理; 一旦他们离开，波斯就会照顾丈夫，给他换绷带，给他用药。

"It sneaks up on you," Boss said of the burden of caregiving and its attendant emotional struggles.

“它会悄悄靠近你，”波斯谈到照顾丈夫的负担和随之而来的情感斗争时说。

She felt a range of contradictory feelings: gratitude for their time together,

她感到一系列矛盾的感情:对他们在一起的时光心怀感恩，

grief over the loss of their old rhythms and anxiety at the inevitability of his death.

为失去过去的生活节奏而悲伤，为他不可避免的离去而焦虑。

Boss was also confused about her role in their partnership.

波斯也对自己在伴侣关系中扮演的角色感到困惑。

Once solely his wife, she was now also his caregiver.

她曾经只是他的妻子，现在也是他的照顾者。

With her husband's drawn-out illness, Boss's life came to resemble the cases she'd spent her career studying.

她丈夫久病不愈，波斯的生活变得与她花了整个职业生涯研究的案例很相似。

Nearly 50 years ago, as a doctoral student in child development and family studies at the University of Wisconsin-Madison,

大约50年前，作为威斯康星大学麦迪逊分校儿童发展和家庭研究的博士生，

she researched families with at least one member who was either physically or psychologically absent.

她研究了至少有一名成员在生理或心理上缺席的家庭。

Her initial studies in the 1970s focused on families in which fathers were too busy working to spend time with their children,

20世纪70年代，她最初的研究集中在父亲工作太忙而没有时间陪伴孩子的家庭，

and later on the wives of fighter pilots who were missing in action during the Vietnam War.

后来研究了在越南战争中失踪的战斗机飞行员的妻子。

The fathers were psychologically absent but physically present, while the fighter pilots were the reverse.

父亲们心理上缺席，但生理上并没有，而战斗机飞行员则相反。

来源：纽约时报

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