英语作文批改记录怎么写（批改英语作文习字）

批改一篇网上看到的英语作文。

修改前：

Three years ago, I accidentally realized that my handwriting looks sort of ugly; however, my best friend’s handwriting is real nice as an art. Then I have a passion for the beauty of handwriting, so I decided to practice calligraphy. But the result of half-year practice was unsatisfied than expected. I was very frustrated and want to give up. My friend found my sadness about that, she encouraged me and gave some advice like there was something wrong with my way to hold the pen. She corrected the holding position and encouraged me that I could do better while kept practicing. With her enthusiastic help, I stick at doing the calligraphy exercise and I have better handwriting than before. Actually, I find joy in it and the exercises become one of my habits and hobbies. Therefore the key to success consists in your persistence of the intention.

修改中：

批改英语作文 - 习字

“accidentally realized" —— ”accidentally“ 用词不妥，想到自己的字不好，不是“意外”，最多是“突然”，“suddenly”。

“sort of ugly” —— “sort of” ，“有些”，是口语，书面也可以使用，正式一点儿的文字里改成“somehwat”。

“however” —— 用在这里有点儿勉强。你写字不好看，她写得好看，是两种情况，之间并没有直接的转折关系。改成“on the other hand”或者“in contrast”。

“real nice” —— 同上面的“sort of”一样，是口语，可以改成正式一点儿的“really nice”，也可以不改。书面文字里用口语，或是不知区别，或是刻意使用。整篇文章挺刻板，突然加入口语，不协调。

”as a art“ —— ”作为一种艺术“，但实际并不是一种艺术。”like art“，”像艺术“，”有艺术意味“。

“Then I have a passion” —— 时态不对，应是过去式，”passion“语义也太强烈了一点儿。如果你对于书法有那种激情，自己的字何至于那么丑。改成”I felt an urge to“。

”half year practice“ —— ”half a year‘s practice”

“result ... unsatisfied” —— 用词不当。人，“unsatisfied”；事，“unsatisfactory”。

“want to give up” —— 时态不对，应是过去式，另外语义上也不应是“want to give up”，其实你不“想”放弃，只是觉得不得不放弃。可以说“was going to give up”，“就要放弃了”。

“found my sadness about that” —— 表述生硬。字写得不好，也说不上“悲哀”，最多就是不开心。改成“Seeing that I wasn't happy”

“like there was” —— like后面接句子，这样写似乎有点儿别扭，改成“like how”。

“she corrected the holding position” —— ”执笔的方法“写成”holding position“是硬译。改成”how I hold my pen“。

”while kept practicing“ —— ”while“是”同时“，这里的意思应是”如果“。所以用”if“。

”better handwriting“ —— 把“handwriting”改成“penmanship”，换个说法。

“Actually” —— 这里用“actually”也可以，但“in fact”似乎更顺口。

“Therefore, the key to success” —— “Therefore”语义较轻，只是说一般结果，不足以引出一篇文章的结论，所以，“This experience of mine shows that ...”

“consists in the persistence of intention" —— 表述生硬，另外文中所说不只是”intention“（”意念“），而是强调练习。可以直接说”the key to success is determination and persistence.“

修改后：

Three years ago, I suddenly realized that my handwriting looks somewhat ugly. My best friend’s handwriting, on the other hand, is really nice, looking like art. I felt an urge to improve my handwriting and decided to practice calligraphy. The result of half a year’s practice, however, was unsatisfactory. I was very frustrated and was going to give up. Seeing that I wasn’t happy with what was going on, my friend gave me some advice, like how I should hold my pen properly. She encouraged me, saying that I could do better if I kept practicing. With her enthusiastic help, I stuck to my calligraphic exercises and now I have better penmanship than ever before. In fact, I find joy in practicing calligraphy, which has become one of my habits and hobbies. This experience shows that the key to success is determination and persistence.

翻译：

三年前，我突然意识到自己的字有些丑。我最好的朋友，她的字就很漂亮，像艺术。我感觉到把字写好的冲动，决定练习书法。然而，用功半年，效果不尽如意。我就比较沮丧，要放弃了。我的朋友看到我不开心，就给了我一些建议，比如我应该如何握笔。她鼓励我说，只要我坚持练习，一定会有进步。在她的积极帮助下，我不断练习书法，现在我的字体比以前好了许多。实际上，我在书法练习中发现了快乐，它已成为我的一个习惯和爱好。我的这段经历说明，成功的关键是决心和坚持。

随笔：

一个人的笔迹，好坏无论，是handwriting。如果写得好一点儿，那就算是有penmanship。如果写得很讲究，成了艺术，那就是calligraphy。严格说来，作为一种艺术，calligraphy这东西只存在于中国。西方也有书法，但算不得艺术，因为很少有人在这方面进行艺术创造，最多也就是把字写得好看一些。中西之间的这个差别，主要在于彼此的语言。中国的方块字成千上万，各自不同，写起来变化多端。西方文字以字母为基础，英语里有26个，再怎么写也很难出彩。比如我写一个O，再写一个h,

Oh