做好自己不必自己跟自己过不去（为什么可能毁了你的生活）

“做自己”虽然是个好口号，但可能会演变成一种失败主义的说法，带有逃避现实、停止成长的含义真正的做自己则是需要我们努力成为最好的自己，同时保持诚实和同情心，不断进步成长，这样才能实现更好的自我此外，我们需要给自己应有的尊严，站在自己这边，帮助自己成为一个坚强的人，才能活的更有价值，下面我们就来聊聊关于做好自己不必自己跟自己过不去?接下来我们就一起去了解一下吧!

做好自己不必自己跟自己过不去

“做自己”虽然是个好口号，但可能会演变成一种失败主义的说法，带有逃避现实、停止成长的含义。真正的做自己则是需要我们努力成为最好的自己，同时保持诚实和同情心，不断进步成长，这样才能实现更好的自我。此外，我们需要给自己应有的尊严，站在自己这边，帮助自己成为一个坚强的人，才能活的更有价值。

Just be yourself has become sort of a statement that people venerate these days.

“做自己”已经成为当今人们尊崇的一种宣言。

People celebrate just be yourself, probably because it kinda feels like a warm hug.

人们崇尚做自己，可能是因为这样像被拥入一个温暖的拥抱。

Just be yourself and everything's gonna be okay.

做自己，一切都会好起来。

It feels kind of empathetic, understanding.

让人感觉到同理心和理解。

It's like, yeah, you're right.

就像得到肯定：是的，你是对的。

I can just be myself.

我能做自己。

That sounds fantastic.

这听起来很棒。

I don't have to be anything that I'm not.

我不需要成为其他人。

Just be yourself feels like it really cares about you, despite the fact that nobody really follows that advice because you can't really follow it.

做我自己就好了，这才是真的关心自己，尽管事实上没有人真的这么做，因为人们确实做不到。

Everybody is a chameleon of sorts.

每个人都像是变色龙。

When you're around the boys having a beer, you're gonna act way differently than you do when you're around your mom.

当你和一群男孩一起喝啤酒，你的行为表现就会与在妈妈身边的不同。

When you're at a job interview, you're going to be all proper and professional and maybe a little bit personable, way more charming than you would if you're just relaxing on the couch devolving into degeneracy, trying to watch something on Netflix.

面试的时候，你要表现地得体、专业，也许还要有一点平易近人，比你躺在沙发上放松摆烂，打算从Netflix上找点东西看的样子更有魅力。

We do this because we kind of have to.

我们这么做是因为不得不这么做。

Different situations that we're in recruit different parts of us, different emphases.

我们所处的不同环境会需要不一样的我们，有不同的侧重点。

Sometimes we have to be professional, other times we have to be very charming and funny like I'm doing right now.

有时我们必须专业，有时我们必须表现地很有魅力和有趣，就像我现在这样。

I'm not like this in real life, but I've gotta film a Better Ideas video so I sound super smart and personable and relatable.

我在现实生活中不是这样的，但我要拍一个“更好的想法”视频，所以我听起来超级聪明、平易近人、让人感兴趣。

The point I'm trying to make is that are we ever really ourselves?

我想说的是，我们做过真正的自己吗？

What does it mean to be ourselves?

做自己意味着什么？

And is it something that we should strive to be?

这是我们应该努力去做的事吗？

Because just be yourself has become something that we've been conditioned to believe is true based on repetition.

因为做自己已经成为了一件我们习惯性认为的重复的事情。

Maybe the Walt Disney company got us all believing that we should just be ourselves, make our dreams come true, follow our heart, find our passion.

也许迪斯尼公司让我们都相信我们应该做自己，让自己梦想成真，从心而行，找到热爱。

All of these bubblegum, cotton candy, birthday card sentiments that all sound very comforting but don't really mean anything and are impossible to just apply to your life.

所有泡泡糖、棉花糖、生日贺卡上的情意听起来很安慰人心，但实际上没有任何意义，也不可能应用到你的生活中。

We hear these things so often, they've become utterly meaningless.

我们经常听到这样的话，它们已经变得毫无意义了。

Like nobody's life was ever changed by somebody saying to them, "Hey, "just follow your dreams." You know, what does that mean?

没有人的生活会因为别人的一句话而改变，“嘿，去追求你的梦想吧。”你说这有什么意义？

I've had some pretty (beep) up dreams in my day.

我也做过一些异想天开的梦。

And if we were to follow those dreams, we would all be screwed.

如果我们追求这些梦想，我们都会完蛋。

God help us all.

只有上帝能救我们了。

And follow your passion, most people that you talk to have no idea what their passion is.

关于“做热爱的事”，和你交谈的大多数人都不知道他们喜欢的是什么。

They have things they're interested in, probably a bunch of things they're interested in, but there's a lot of pressure in like, oh, find your passion and everything's gonna work out.

他们有自己感兴趣的东西可能有一大堆，但是压力很大，就好像找到你热爱的事情，一切都会好起来。

There's a lot of pressure in that because people get analysis paralysis.

这其中有很大的压力，因为人们分析不出所以然来。

They have no idea which passion to pick.

他们不知道该选择哪一个。

What's gonna be the one thing that makes everything make sense?

让一切变得有意义的一件事是什么？

And again, I think that we tend to agree with these taglines, not because they're particularly instructional, but because they sound like they mean well.

再说一次，我认为我们倾向于认同这些口号，不是因为它们特别有教育意义，而是因为它们听起来是好意。

They're very easy to swallow.

它们比较令人能接受。

It's never challenging or uncomfortable to believe that the answer to all of our problems is to just be more of ourselves, whatever that means.

让人相信所有问题的答案就是尽可能做自己从来都不难，也不会让人不舒服，不管它意味着什么。

But I think that just being yourself is inherently a defeatist statement because just implies that yourself is something to just be.

但我认为做自己本质上是一种失败主义的说法，因为这意味着你只是做你自己。

It's a reality to regress back to.

这是一种对现实的逃避。

It tells you to stop reaching and stop pursuing and just be you because you're just you.

它告诉你停止接触，停止追求，做你自己，因为你只是你自己。

It's an inherently pessimistic statement veiled in self-congratulation.

这是一种隐藏在沾沾自喜之中的悲观论调。

A statement that doesn't want the best for you, a statement that doesn't care about your ideals, your conception of a brighter future.

“做自己”是一个不为你着想的宣言，它不在意你的理想，不在意你对更加美好的未来的设想。

It's a statement that encourages you to stop growing.

它鼓励你停止成长。

But riddle me this, why just be yourself when you can be so much more?

让我困惑的是，当你可以做得更好的时候，为什么只做你自己呢？

Now you might think to yourself, well, I can only just be myself, right?

现在你可能会想，好吧，我只能做我自己，对吧？

If I'm always striving to be more than myself then I will never feel okay with myself.

如果我总是努力超越自己，那么我永远不会对自己感到满意。

I'll never feel comforted.

我永远不会感到安慰。

I'll never feel okay with who I am, and instead I will hold this future version of myself in front of me like a carrot to a mule, hamster wheeling myself, I guess mule wheeling yourself right into your grave.

我永远不会对自己感到高兴，相反，我会像在骡子眼前挂胡萝卜一样，把未来的自己挂在我面前，像仓鼠一样不停在跑轮上奔跑，我猜这样会推着自己进入坟墓。

You'll never be able to stop and smell the roses.

你将永远无法停下脚步，闻闻玫瑰的芬芳。

You'll always be looking for the next thing.

你总是在寻找下一件事。

Goals and goals and goals.

目标和目标以及目标。

And you'll be searching for a peace that you could find in the present moment.

你会在当下寻找一种你能找到的平静。

And while I understand this argument, I also think it's very shortsighted.

虽然我理解这个论点，但我也认为这是非常短视的。

It doesn't take into account the bigger picture of the human brain, and that is that, yes, we do need to feel satisfied and happy with what we have.

它没有考虑到人类大脑的整体情况，那就是，我们确实需要对我们所拥有的感到满足和快乐。

That's what serotonin and oxytocin and endorphins are for.

这是血清素、催产素和内啡肽的作用。

They're all for feeling good in the present moment.

它们都能让人在当下感觉良好。

It's a very important system of our psychology, but potentially way more influential and important for our survival is our dopamine system.

这是我们心理学中一个非常重要的系统，但对我们的生存更有影响和更重要的是多巴胺系统。

And dopamine is all about motivation.

多巴胺与动力有关。

If somebody were to delete all the dopamine in your brain right now so you couldn't feel a lick of dopamine, you would lay down in whatever chair you're sitting on because you'd probably not have the motivation to sit down and you would never lift a finger to do anything.

如果现在有人把你大脑里的多巴胺都删除 了，这样你就感觉不到多巴胺了，你会躺在你坐的椅子上，因为你可能没有动力坐起来，也永远不会抬起手做任何事情。

You would pee your pants because you wouldn't be motivated to go to the bathroom.

你会尿裤子，因为你没有动力去洗手间。

You wouldn't get up to eat anything.

你不会起床吃东西。

You would literally lay there and die.

你真的会躺在那里等死。

We need motivation to go get things that we don't already have.

我们需要动力去获得尚未拥有的东西。

It's the only reason why you're alive right now.

这是你现在还活着的唯一原因。

So in a way, motivation is the desire to attain something that we don't already have.

所以在某种程度上，动力是渴望得到我们还没有得到的东西。

It's something that requires us to move in space and time to go get, and that will never go away, right?

那些东西需要我们动起来和花时间才能得到，动力永远不会消失，对吧？

We will always be motivated to do something.

我们总是有动力去做某事。

The question is, what are we locking our motivation into?

问题是，我们把动力锁定在什么地方？

Is it Netflix?

网飞？

Is it social media?

社交媒体？

Is it buying frivolous things?

还是买一些无聊的东西？

No judgment, I'm just saying that it's locked into something.

没别的意思，我只是说动力确定的目标。

So since we have this profound desire to achieve things that we haven't already achieved or to get things that we don't already have, what better thing is there to lock our motivation system into than being the best version of ourselves so that that we can be more capable people, capable of helping ourselves get through the hardships of life so that we can help others get through the hardships in their lives, essentially making the world a better place through being the best we can be.

因此，既然我们有这种深切的愿望，要实现尚未实现的事情或获得尚未拥有的东西，我们最好去成为最好的自己来确定我们的动力，这样我们就可以成为更有能力的人,有能力帮助自己度过生活的困难，也可以帮助别人,本质上是通过尽我们所能让世界变得更美好。

So I think that two things can be true at the same time.

所以我认为这两件事可以同时成立。

We can both strive for greatness and be the best that we can be, not settling for just being ourselves.

我们既可以为伟大而奋斗，也可以尽我们所能做到最好,不满足于做自己。

But at the same time, having honesty and compassion for wherever we are now.

但与此同时，无论我们现在身在何处，都要保持诚实和同情心。

But a lot of the time, we have very weird tendencies and behaviors that we think are just a part of who we are, but in fact they are behaviors that we learned through trauma or the role that we played in our friends group or our family that lead us to do things that don't actually serve us, they don't serve others.

但很多时候，我们有非常奇怪的倾向和行为，我们认为这只是我们自己的一部分,但事实上，这些行为是我们从创伤中学到的，或者是我们在朋友、团体或家庭中扮演的角色，这些行为导致我们做一些实际上对我们无益的事情,对别人也无益。

And all in all, they're just a negative.

总而言之，它们会带来负面影响。

Even though it's like, oh, that's just me, ha-ha, you'd be surprised how many aspects of your personality are improvable.

尽管你会觉得，哦，那也是我,哈哈，其实个性的许多方面是可以改善的。

You might think that it's just a little quirk or insanity that you have, but consider the fact that you can improve it.

你可能会认为这只是你的一点怪癖或精神错乱，但事实上你可以改正。

You can modify your behavior and your thought patterns to better serve you.

你可修正自己的行为和思维模式，让它们更适合自己。

And things that you previously thought were just part of your personality or you being you are things that are just a result of the way you are brought up and things that don't actually help you in the long run.

你以前认为这是你个性的一部分，或者这只是你被抚养的方式的结果，从长远来看，这些东西实际上对你没有帮助。

Don't get self-compassion confused with complacency.

不要把自我同情和自满混为一谈。

For instance, if you had a close friend and he kind of went off the deep end, previously you were really good friends, you got along, and then he started to become kind of toxic.

例如，如果你有一个亲密的朋友，他有点走极端,，以前你们是很好的朋友，你们相处得很好，然后他开始变得有点奇怪。

He started pushing you and others away through his behaviors, through his words.

他开始通过他的行为和言语对你和其他人施加压力。

And you're kinda like, what gives?

你会想，这是怎么了？

This guy has changed and I don't know if I wanna be around him anymore, but I do really care about him.

这家伙变了，我不知道我还想不想和他做朋友，但我真的很在乎他。

But for now, I have to distance myself.

但现在，我得和他保持距离。

If this person were to come up to you sincerely and say, "Hey, look, I realize my behavior was out of line.

如果这个人真诚地走过来对你说，“听着，我知道我的行为有点过分。

I didn't really realize it at the time, but it's become clear to me that I need to change.

我之前并没有真正意识到这一点，但我清楚地意识到我需要改正。

My words and my actions are hurting me or hurting others and I'm ready to change." Would you say, "No, it's okay. Just be yourself.

我的言语和行为伤害了我或伤害了别人，我会改正。”你是会说，“没事，做你自己。

"You do you." You would probably say, "I agree.

你就是你。”还是会说，“我也觉得。

Your behavior was out of line.

你的行为太过分了。

I'm so glad that you can see that.

我很高兴你自己感觉到了。

And since I care about you, I really want to help you be the best version of yourself so that you can serve yourself better and get along with everybody, right?

既然我在乎你，我真的很想帮助你成为最好的自己，这样对你更好，对其他人也好，好吗？

I want you to be the best you can be."

我希望你能做到最好。”

And it's funny because loving that person isn't just permitting them to do their thing and be who they are and whatever, that's complacency.

这很有趣，因为爱那个人不仅仅是允许他们做他们的事，做他们自己，做任何事情，这是自满。

Since you care about that person, you want to help them be the best version of themselves.

既然你在意那个人，你就想帮他们成为最好的自己。

I truly believe that we need to treat ourselves like this.

我真的认为我们需要这样对待自己。

We need to treat ourselves like we have inherent dignity, like we are on our own side and we want the best for ourselves.

我们需要把自己当做一个有尊严的人，站在自己这边，希望自己得到最好的。

And a lot of the time, we don't treat ourselves with the dignity that we deserve.

很多时候，我们没有给予自己应有的尊严。

Our behaviors and our actions or maybe habits or ways of thinking or thought patterns that we have, that we've had since the dawn of time, as long as we can remember, are proving with time to not serve us, to be destructive.

我们的行为、行动，或者习惯、思维方式或思维模式，这些我们从一开始就拥有的东西，只要我们还记得，时间证明它们对我们无益，对我们有害。

Maybe we learned these tendencies through childhood and they're just a part of who we are, but they're leading us to the brink of doom.

也许我们从小就有了这些倾向，它们成了我们的一部分，但它们正把我们带向毁灭的边缘。

We gain no traction in our lives.

我们的生活没有动力。

Nothing's working, should we just be ourselves then?

什么都做不了，那我们应该做自己吗？

So ask yourself, are you living a life that reflects your inherent dignity?

所以问问你自己，你是否活的有尊严？

Are your thoughts, behaviors and habits serving you?

你的思想、行为和习惯适合你吗？

Who do you ideally want to be?

你理想中想成为什么样的人？

And what can you do to help you become somebody of strength?

你能做些什么来帮助自己成为一个坚强的人？

And the bizarre thing is when we start caring more about our future, when we have ideals, when we have something to strive towards, we actually start to become more satisfied with the present moment.

奇怪的是，当我们开始更多地关心我们的未来,当我们有了理想，有了奋斗的目标,实际上，我们就会开始对当下感到更满意。

And especially when you've been on that path for a little while, you can look to your past and you have a track record of growth.

尤其是当你已经在这条路上走了一段时间的时候,你可以回顾你的过去，回顾成长的记录。

You can be comforted that you've come a long way, and you can be excited and motivated by the person that you're becoming.

你会感到欣慰，因为你已经走了很长的路，你会因为你即将要成为的人而感到兴奋和激励。

Self-satisfaction can't exist in a vacuum.

自我满足不可能存在于真空中。

It's impossible to shake our concept of the true, the good and the beautiful.

我们对真、善、美的观念是不可能动摇的。

So maybe the answer to life isn't to just be yourself.

所以，也许生活的答案不是做自己。

Maybe the answer is to love yourself enough to become something more.

而是爱自己，让自己变得更有价值。

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