好的领导英语作文（批改英语作文商务公文）

批改英语作文，原文来自网络，谨致意。

To： William Huang, Department of General Affairs

From: Joseph Liu, Director of Personnel

Subject: Work Transfer

Date: July 15, 20xx

I think, Mr. Huang, the Director of your Department has already talked to you about the change in your work. We have arranged to appoint you as section supervisor in the Security Department at a salary of US$xx a month (20% increase) as from Tuesday, August 1, 20xx. In your new post, you will be responsible to Mr. Francis Yang for the work of night shift employees in the department.

Your eight years of loyal service in the General Affairs Department have been appreciated by the leadership of the company. Your transfer is completely due to the need of company. You have known that many thefts have recent taken place that have caused heavy losses to our company. We trust that with your appointment to this post, the security work will be greatly strengthened.

Please write to confirm that you will accept this appointment.

英语作文修改 - 商务公文 - 公司任命 - 修改中

"Work Transfer" —— 语义不清，也可以理解为把手头在做的什么事情移交给别人。文中是调动工作，明确起见，事项写为 "Your Transfer to New Position" ("将您调动到新的岗位")

"I think, Mr. Huang, the Director of your Department has already talked to you" —— 这个相当于，"哎，我说，老黄，我估摸着你们部门主管跟您说过了"。公文当然不能这么口语化，尤其人事调动。"Your departmental director must have spoken with you" ("您的部门主管应该已经与您谈话"。

"have talked to you about" —— 可以改成"have spoken with you regarding"。同样是"对你讲过某事"，"have talked to you about"比较随意，好像是商量事情， "have spoken with you regarding"比较正式，有点儿上对下的意味。

"We have arranged to appoint you as section supervisor in the Security Department at a salary of US$x,xxx a month (20% increase) as from Tuesday, August 1, 20xx." —— 把新任命和薪资一带而过，不够郑重，毕竟这是此件的核心。分成两句，一句讲岗位和生效日期，一句讲薪资。

"have arranged to appoint" —— 啰嗦，就是"have appointed"，"兹任命"。

"appoint you as section supervisor"-—— 虽然我们说"任命你为"，英文里不必有这个"为"也就是"as"。

"as from Tuesday, August 1, 20xx" —— 什么日期生效，通常是"effective as of"，或者省略"as of"，在"effective"后面直接写出日期。上面几处结合起来："We have appointed you a section supervisor in the Security Department, effective [as of] Tuesday, August 1, 20xx…." ("兹任命您为保安部组长，任命于某年某月某日生效。")

"at a salary of US$x,xxx a month (20% increase)" —— 薪资很重要，所以把这个词组拿出来，独立成句，并强调涨了薪水。"The new salary will be US$xx per month, which marks a 20% increase."

"In your new post, you will be responsible to Mr. Francis Yang for the work of night shift employees" —— 语义不清，实际上有两部分，新位置上面是谁，下面是谁。向上是对谁报告，"report to"；向下是负责什么，"responsible for"。此句改为，"In your new post, you will report to Mr. Francis Yang and will be responsible for the work of night-shift employees" ("在您新的岗位上，您向杨范西先生报告，负责管理夜班人员的工作")。

"Your eight years of loyal service in the General Affairs Department have been appreciated by the leadership of the company." —— 欣赏某人的工作，是个一般状态，没必要使用完成时。另外可以把被动句式改为主动句式。"The Company leadership greatly appreciates your eight years of loyal service in the General Department." ("公司领导赞赏过去8年间您在总务处的勤恳服务。")

"Your transfer is completely due to the need of company." —— "你的调动完全是出于公司需要"，这个话好像有点儿不得体，没有考虑雇员本身的感受。说得好听一点儿："Your transfer reflects the management’s recognition of your abilities and the need of the company" ("您的调动是基于公司管理层对您能力的认可并出于公司的需要")。

"You have known that many thefts have recent taken place that have caused heavy losses to our company." —— "You have known"，这个完成时没有必要，下面有"have taken place"。"That have caused"，又是完成时态，重复，可以改成一个分词结构，使句式多样化。"As you know, a number of thefts have recently taken place, causing heavy losses to our company" ("如你所知，最近发生多起盗窃事件，造成了公司的严重损失")。

"We trust that with your appointment to this post, the security work will be greatly strengthened." —— 行。也可以把被动式改为主动式。"We trust that with your new appointment, the security work of our company will be strengthened" ("我们相信，有了您的任命，我们公司的安保将会被加强")，——》"We trust that your new appointment will help strengthen the security of our operations" ("我们相信，您的任命将有助于加强我们公司各方面的安保工作")。

英语作文修改 -商务公文 - 公司任命 - 修改后

致：黄威廉、总务处

自：刘约瑟，人事经理

事项：将您调动到新岗位

日期：20xx年7月16日

关于您的工作变动，您的部门主管应该已经与您谈话。我们现任命您为安保部组长，任命自20xx年8月1日生效。您的工资将是每月xxxx美元，由您原工资提薪20%。在您的新岗位上，您向杨范西报告，负责安保部夜班人员的工作。

公司领导高度赞赏您过去8年里在总务处的勤恳服务。您的新任命是出于公司管理层对于您的能力的认可以及公司本身的需要。如您所知，最近发生多起盗窃事件，造成了公司的严重损失。我们相信，您的任命将有助于全面提升公司的安保工作。

请以书面形式确认您接受这一任命。